


It Should Have Been Me

by AQLM



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feels, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Polyamory Negotiations, it's not you it's me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-04 13:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14021595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AQLM/pseuds/AQLM
Summary: When the farmer Ellie came to Stardew Valley, she made herself a fixture in the lives of many of the town's inhabitants. Eventually, she found love in the arms of Abigail, a shopkeeper's daughter and aspiring adventurer. Leah reflects on how this came to pass and whether, somehow, she could have taken Abigail's place.Inspired by Simply Red's "Sunrise".





	1. The Bar of Silent Regret

Leah twisted a long strand of red hair around her finger and let it go, trying not to get any of the coil into her beer. The drink was warming in front of her and dripping lines of condensation onto the scuffed surface of the table. She fidgeted with the mug, not wanting to drink, but feeling like the only way she’d get through the rest of this conversation was if she were inebriated.

“So seriously, Abs. A farmer. Like, in a million, billion, trillion years I would not have picked that out for you.” A lanky, dark, and spikey-haired boy draped himself dramatically over a chair and gestured at his best friend. “I always expected you’d run off and live in the middle of Violet City, surrounded by artists and techies and cool people. Not that you’d live down the road surrounded by cows and chickens.” He leaned forward. “’Fess up, Abs. What’s the deal?”

The strange goth girl leaned back in the worn green-leather chair and folded her hands over her stomach. It had been a few weeks since the wedding, but no one had seen her. Knowing jokes about the honeymoon period and time spent in bed were tossed around the town. Granny would smile with fond memories while Jodi, Caroline, and Robin would giggle a bit more loudly.

Still, it was odd to have a general fixture about town suddenly vanish. Abigail was back now, relaxing in the bar, slowly sipping a dark beer and grinning patiently at her friends. To Leah’s eyes, she seemed to have aged considerably. She was barely 21 but she has a look of someone who had been through transformative experience and was now worldly in a way the other kids were not.

“I didn’t think it would happen either,” Abigail said. It wasn’t something I was looking for.” She gave an enigmatic smile. “But there was something about her that was different from everybody else I’ve met this town.” 

She reached into her pocket and produced a polished purple stone. Amethyst, with the vein of what looked like obsidian struck through. It glinted in the bar light and Leah contemplated how she might integrate it into a sculpture. Then she put the thought out of her head; where would she get such a piece anyway? The only person brave enough to journey into the mines was currently extremely occupied with another woman.

“She was new in town, maybe a little lonely. She’d come by my dad’s store even when she didn’t buy anything just to talk to him. He said there were times she seemed to forget how words worked.” Abigail shrugged. “And then she noticed me. She’d bring me little presents, fruit and other things from the farm. Somewhere along the way, she figured out what I liked.”

Abby ran her finger over the places where the jagged points of the stone had been smoothed down to round lumps. “This is the first piece she ever gave me. She said she had to kill 30 slimes before she got to it…but I think she was lying.” Abby laughed. “I was still impressed.”

Leah remembered those early days when the curious dark skinned and dark-haired stranger came to town. The farm had been a ramshackle disaster of weeds, rocks, and wild onions. The young woman was run ragged and seemed to spend as much time attempting to barter an extra handful of seeds from Pierre as she did working. Ellie had been an object of eager gossip at first. A different stranger from a different city. They had looked at Leah much the same when she wandered into Stardew Valley, exhausted from the rush and the heartbreak she had left behind. Leah had kept that in mind when she saw the young woman but had always held herself back from reaching out. She didn’t want to impose on one who worked so hard.

In time, Ellie had begun to talk to her. The conversations were short and generic. Asked about her work, asked about her sculpture. And of course, occasionally brought things from the farm. It was a somewhat obvious attempt at perhaps bribing her way into a relationship but the more she did it, the more Leah realized that the gifts weren’t coming from a place of anything other than genuine care.

The mug in her hands was tugged upwards and Leah startled, gripping it back towards her protectively. Another tug. 

“Leah, your beer is all warm! Let me get you a new one, on the house.” The green-haired, mystic-minded barmaid beamed down at the timid sculptor 

“It’s okay, Emily,” smiled Leah. “I don’t mind it warm.”

“Nonsense. I know for a fact beer is best served cold and I also know for a fact it’s the fall, which means we’re getting the best stuff that’s been brewing all summer. Let me go fertilize the plants with this.” The beer was pried forcefully from Leah’s hands and she sat there awkwardly drumming her fingers on the tabletop, trying not to look as out of place as she felt. She directed her attention back towards Abby, who had moved her story far beyond their initial courtship.

“We just…it just happened. All those little visits, the amethyst, the time we played music in the rain…somewhere along the way, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted it every day. I wanted to give her something. I wanted…I wanted to make her feel like she made me feel.”

Leah looked away and off towards the wall. She inspected the fading rock poster and the blinking lights of the arcade machine. If she squinted hard enough, the colors blurred into a dizzying rainbow. Maybe she would get up and play a few rounds as an excuse to flee this conversation.

“At first, you know, I thought she was into me,” Sebastian bragged, gesturing towards his wifebeater with two thumbs. “She’d come ‘round every week. Talk to me, check in on my work, bring me things I liked. Cool stuff, too. Not just fruit or other farming shit. Obsidian from the mines, friggin’ sashimi made by hand from the weirdest fish I’ve ever seen, And void eggs.” He broke off his monologue. “Are those chickens as awesome as I think they are?”

“They smell like sulfur, they have bright red eyes, and they will come right up to you and eat corn out of your hand. Damn right they are,” confirmed Abby. “I don’t recommend actually eating the void eggs. Or the void mayo. Dropped some of that on the floor once and had to replace a tile.”

“Hah yeah,” grinned Sebastian. “I drain the yolk out and show off the shells. Anyway, like I was saying, I totally thought that she was getting ready to get some prime Seb time, if you know what I mean.” He waggled his substantial eyebrows and the ladies around him groaned. 

“Aww, come on,” he said. “Why the hell else would someone come visit me and take the time to learn about computers? Anyway, turns out she’s just super-nice. She wants to make people happy because…no reason, you know? That’s odd, but I dig it.”

Leah studied the ceiling. The paint was cracking and a few of the beams were beginning to poke through. Robin might need to come by and do some repairs if the bartender could afford it. His business was picking up now that the town center was functioning. Money flowed into everyone’s coffers thanks to Ellie’s attention.

She remembered the first of Ellie’s gifts. The farmer showed up to her house one morning with something behind her back and made Leah guess the contents. The game had stopped just a few questions short of annoying the red-headed sculptor, at which point Ellie had produced a mesh wrapped parcel and placed it in Leah’s waiting hands. It had only taken a few moments for Leah to determine what she held in her hands. It was cheese. And not any cheese. Fresh goat cheese, she was informed, created right next to the animals that had spawned it, made in turn from the grass and fruits that grew wild all over the farm. 

Ellie had said Leah was welcome anytime to see what was happening on the farm. Leah had gotten the sense at that point that the invitation extended to not just the flora and fauna. The owner was perhaps also on Leah’s itinerary. Leah was never quite sure.

Why didn’t she visit all those times? She was even less sure of that.

“It’s not, you know, the life I expected. She works hard. There are days where the only time I see her is when she wanders past me to give me a kiss and grab her coffee. Hell, there have been nights when she so tired that she falls asleep in the middle of the floor and I have to pull her into bed so she has a little energy for the next day.” Abby emitted a patient sigh. “And if she does this too many days in a row, I threaten to kick her out of the house altogether.”

Abby pulled her fingers through her curly purple – black hair. “But she makes it worth it. I know that she will do anything for me. I can ask for something and she’ll get it. I can ask her to grow something and she’ll do it. I bet I could ask her to sell the farm…but she wouldn’t, because she would know I’d go crazy.” A wave of laughter disrupted Abby’s soliloquy.

“And hey, you know what they say about farm girls, right?” Seb continued to aggravate his best friend. “Big, strong muscles. Large powerful ha-OW.” Shane has subtly slipped Abby a pool cue and with a soldier’s precision, she whacked it across Seb’s knee. He pinned it to his chest and whimpered.

Leah remembered those muscles being used in her favor. Leah remembered what it felt like to be scooped off the ground and lifted to within inches of the red-green fruit. She remembered tilting her head down in surprise and seeing Ellie smirking up at her from underneath outstretched arms. Leah had swiped the fruit off the tree, fearing that she might overtax her companion’s shoulders, but the strength of the young woman’s arms held Leah easily. The sculptor might have been heavy to other people. To the powerful farmer, she was no less cumbersome than a sack of wheat or a bushel of apples. She was put down and spent a few breathless moments looking at the curls of Ellie’s black hair and the dusky purple of her skin, that unusual shade that marked her from one of the far-off cities that Leah had visited before she came to Stardew Valley. It was all she did to keep from kissing her right there, so close she had felt to this unusual woman. 

Ellie’s hands lingered around her waist but all too soon Ellie was distracted with peeling the fruit and splitting it with her eager companion. They enjoyed the sweet tartness in the fading sunlight. Then she turned away and bade Leah a farewell. Leah’s was left standing, fruit staining her lips, wishing she had the courage to pull the farmer back.

The conversation had turned away but now it flickered back. Someone mentioned Jas and Peggy was predictably whining about not having good school which to educate children. The town was so small the facility so sparse. Even the rebuilding of the community center had provided a room and more facilities but that was not the same as a true classroom, with computers and projectors and maps of the world. They spoke a little bit about the various couples, whether Kent and Jodi would decide to have another child.

By this time, Abby’s mother Carol joined them and sat next to her daughter, pulling her close and ruffling her long purple hair. “I’d always hoped you would be a mother, Abby, but I understand this life you chosen.”

“Actually, mom I had hoped to keep this a secret a little longer, especially because these things tend to be so tenuous, but” she smiled an enigmatic and satisfied smile, “we may be expecting. We put in an application for the county orphanage and they tentatively approved.”

With that, the bar erupted in congratulations while Leah closed her eyes and turned away. Of course they would have children. Of course that was the next logical step in this life that she didn’t realize she wanted.

“Why aren’t you doing it the old-fashioned way, Abby? I don’t even know how that would work,” teased Sebastian, having recovered from his scolding. He turned suddenly towards Leah pointed a finger. “You, Leah. I know you’ve been doing this whole girl-girl thing for a long time. How does that work?”

“Oh stop, Seb. Leave her alone,” retorted Abby, menacing him with the pool cue again. He leaned away in mock horror.

“No really,” continued his friend. “I mean, you know, I know you ladies like to,” he gestured towards his genitals in subtly lewd way that failed to mimic any sex act Leah had ever performed.

Leah knew she was expected to participate in the teasing. Either she was make fun of her sexuality or make fun of the boys. Maybe she would give a clever and something slightly seductive. But none of those things sprang to mind. Instead, she felt only discomfort at being noticed and the keen loss of the sexual future she had hoped to have. It had been so long since she had been summoned to bed and experienced the deep and lingering touches she knew would bring her exquisite pleasure. It could have been on a lawn of alfalfa or by a flickering candlelight. She knew whatever bed Ellie had purchased would have been a wonderful surface on which to consummate the relationship.

She fumbled for a few words. “Well… I…”

“That is none of your business, kids,” interjected Caroline firmly. “Leah, I apologize for his behavior. Apparently, we are now surrounded by heathens.”

“It’s fine, Caroline,” said Leah softly. The room was too noisy and too oppressive. “I know he’s just joking.” She pushed her chair away from her table suddenly. “I…need to go. I’m sorry. I think I…left the oven on.”

Ignoring the strange look from Abby, she said a few goodbyes and fled back to her cabin. There, she took a carving hook and raked it across her latest sculpture. The gashes in the wood did not bleed but she wished they would. She wished they would show their pain. Her pain.

She was a fool. Ellie had shown her interest repeatedly and Leah had missed the signals. Seb told them all Ellie was just that kind of friendly woman, but Leah knew. Ancient cheese, perfect wine, and exquisite fruit weren’t rocks found laying about in a mine or produced from bizarre waterfowl. They were precious and expensive. The types of things you’d give a woman if you wanted to impress her. The types of things Leah had taken for granted. It had been months since Ellie had come by. She might never again.

On a rumpled bed with too many dirty clothes, she rolled herself into a ball and clutched her pillow. Tears came, hot and unbidden, and she let herself be consumed with regret. That farm, north of her cabin, she had ignored. That should have been her home and her prize. She should have carved that statue and written the inscription as clearly in the oak as she had in her mind. Be mine, be always mine. A restless sleep enveloped her and wracked her tired mind with awful dreams.


	2. Riverside Cottage

Morning found her hollowed out and aching. She could not blame the beer for this hangover, though the effects were no less crippling. A thin layer of salt clung to her cheekbones and stung her eyes when she began to cry once more. It was a brilliant fall day and the purple oak leaves blanketed the windowsill. Ellie had discussed at length the merits of fruit trees and concluded that fall fruits, pomegranates in particular, were the most cost effective even if their trunks were less beautiful than a cherry tree. Her intricate explanation of brewing versus canning had been lost on Leah, whose preference for foraging and simple ingredients left her disinterested. If she could have gone back, she would have hung on every word.

The knock was tentative, as was the voice. “Leah,” said Ellie from behind the door. “Are you home?”

Leah clutched the countertop and willed her tears into stopping. “The door is unlocked,” she replied, trying to banish the last of the quaver from her voice.

The hinges and floorboards creaked with Ellie’s approach, mingling with the sound of rough cloth on corduroy and boots being stomped to shake off their dirt. The smell of the farmland, the scent of new earth and crushed vegetables, wafted in along with the farmer herself. 

“Pardon the intrusion,” began Ellie, “Abby was worried about you. She said you nearly ran out from the bar yesterday. I wanted to check to make sure you’re hanging in there.” Ellie came nearer as Leah refused to meet her face. A whoosh and thud as Ellie slid her bag off her shoulder and onto the floor. “It’s fall, so I know you’re good in terms of forage, but I’ve brought a few more meals in case…”

Ellie’s hand brushed Leah’s cheek as she placed it on Leah’s shoulder. “Leah? What’s wrong?”

Leah’s control splintered at Ellie’s nearness but she concealed the sobs anyway, clutching her face with her hands, mixing sawdust into the tracks of salt and tears.

Ellie wrapped her arms around Leah and gathered her close. “Hey. Hey. It’s okay Leah. Whatever it is. It’s okay.” 

Leah realized this was the first and last time Ellie would ever hold her, kiss her hair, and make sure she was alright. It brought the tears forth even harder until she was gasping for air with every sob. 

Ellie broke away and put both hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, Leah. You need to breathe.” 

Leah dropped her arms by her sides and seized control of herself once more. “I’m sorry,” she stuttered through the last of her tears. 

Her companion shook her head and released her grasp on Leah. The loss of the touch threatened to summon the grief back from the edge of her restraint but Ellie’s confused, caring expression helped steady her.

“I’ve brought a blanket and some food. I was planning to deal with the crab pots but they can wait,” offered Ellie. “The cold snap won’t hit for a few days and that means we won’t freeze if we’re by the river. Want to go outside? Talk a little?”

With a curt nod, Leah grabbed her coat and fastened it around herself. Ellie picked up her bag once more and led Leah to the banks of the river. She tossed the checkered fabric on the ground, picking a few handfuls of hay out of the pattern and grumbled to herself about the ubiquitous spread of the plant. Then she grabbed two apples and what looked like a smashed brown morass, then placed them next to two bottles of water. Leah eyed the meal with suspicion.

“It’s called Dish o’ The Sea,” said Ellie, cutting into a piece and handing it over on a paper plate. “I eat it when I go fishing. I find it inspiring somehow. Maybe I’m establishing dominance over the fish?” 

A few bites later, Leah found the ugly meal to her liking. They ate silently and Ellie eventually lay face up on the blanket, staring into the cloudless sky.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong now,” asked Ellie. “Or should I take my best guess?” She didn’t turn over and the wind plucked the words from her mouth as quickly as they were said, leaving Leah straining to understand.

Leah remained crosslegged and looked at her ankles, hoping they would provide inspiration for her confession. “It’s so embarrassing,” she said to the blanket between her legs. She grabbed a half-lie. “How did you and Abby end up together?”

Ellie tilted her head towards Leah with a half-lidded stare and twitched one shoulder dismissively, as if to say she recognized the actual question and allowed the lie to slide. 

“When I came to Stardew, I was spiritually dead. Everything I was had been sucked away and replaced by automata. I didn’t know what I was looking for other than not that life.” Ellie closed her eyes. “I could barely speak. All I knew was I had to start connecting. The only language I knew was giving to people. I didn’t think…” Her swagger and confidence slipped away. “I didn’t believe anyone would want to be near me for any other reason.”

Leah clenched her teeth and avoided Ellie’s gaze. She remembered those achingly lonely nights after she came to this cabin, where her only companions were the crickets in the trees, the mice in her floorboards, and the sounds of people living their lives outside. An artist’s retreat she called it; an artist’s seclusion is what it felt like. She wished she had moved closer, maybe somewhere on the mountain near Robin, but her solitude was now her destiny.

“It took time to learn the town and seek out people as something other than a provider. But despite that.” Ellie smoothed away invisible creases in the blanket. “I was still searching for meaning.” Ellie’s laugh was private and distant. “I still wanted a companion. I didn’t know how lonely I was until I met Abby. I didn’t know how hollow…” Ellie stifled herself. “That’s not really important.”

She rolled over and put a hand on Leah’s knee and her tone changed to something urgent. “This isn’t what you want to hear, is it,” she said, not giving Leah the chance to answer. “Here’s the truth you need, Leah. The sculpture you gave me is the single most amazing gift I have ever received. No one in this town or this world would think to put themselves into a work like that and give it so freely. I walk past it every morning and it makes me smile when I think of you. I enjoy that. I enjoy you.”

Leah gathered her courage into her throat. “Then why.” She choked on the words. “Why didn’t you…Why wasn’t it me?” 

“Leah,” Ellie sighed. She rearranged her muscular limbs into sitting, then tugged Leah onto her shoulder. She kissed her hair fondly and Leah melted, her desire and her embarrassment dueling for primacy. She belonged here. Why couldn’t she stay?

“Leah, there was nothing you did or didn’t do,” murmured Ellie, her voice muffled by Leah’s hair. “There was no deficiency or shortcoming. There was nothing about you that wasn’t lovely or attractive. This was where my heart took me. It’s not logical or directable. It is what it is.” Ellie threaded her fingers through the loops in Leah’s belt and kept a hard grip on Leah’s waist. “I never meant to torture you. You will always be special to me even if we aren’t married. If there were a way to show you this, I would. For now…”

They sat in silence by the river a little while longer until Ellie appraised the sky. “Clouds are rolling in. I’ll need to have the chickens indoors tonight or they’ll be soggy and grumpy in the morning. No one likes a grumpy chicken.” She chuckled and stood up, brushing blades of grass off her overalls. 

From within one pocket, she removed a pouch containing two small wrapped parcels. “For later,” she said as Leah rose and helped her fold the blanket. She tucked it back into her pack and spent an idle moment smiling at Leah.

“You are always welcome at the farm, Leah,” she said, adjusting the straps of the bag on her shoulders. “I mean that. We’ll be even more hectic once the baby is here, so why not come by sometime this week while it’s still peaceful?”

Leah’s throat and eyes had dried by now, leaving her voice a rasping croak as she replied, “I may, if I have time.”

“Okay.” With that, the farmer strode off into the north, leaving Leah alone once more. 

Inside the cabin she unpacked the remainder of the food. Each plate was labeled with a tiny sticker and wrapped in transparent plastic. “Vegetable medley.” “Salad.” “Fried Mushroom.” She stacked the plates inside the fridge next to the forage bundles she had collected. Then she opened the small pouch.

Within the crinkling waxed paper was a block of what smelled like goat cheese. A number had been pressed into the top, indicating the cheese was at least a year old. Leah allowed herself a tiny slice on some crackers she had hidden in a cabinet. Well, hidden from herself as much as the mice. It was crumbly and pungent, more mature than the cheese Ellie had given her in the past. An indication of the farmer’s growing skill. 

As she lifted the cheese out of the pouch, a hidden third package tumbled out. It was a wrapped in electric blue paper and affixed with a garish polka-dot bow. When Leah looked closer, she realized the dots were tiny skulls. Puzzled, she tugged open the ribbon. A single, perfectly rounded piece of polished amethyst sat within on a silvery notecard. “Come by! We miss you! :)” was written in curving handwriting very much not Ellie’s own.

Leah smiled and ran her thumb over the rock as she folded the paper and added it to her own stockpile of art supplies. Perhaps she would be able to do something with the amethyst after all.

 

_Epilogue:_

Abby was flopped on the couch, perusing baby furniture when her wife came home and stamped the dust off her feet in the entryway. A small cloud wafted up the stairs and Abby wrinkled her nose.

“When Robin comes by to build out the second floor, she’s adding a mudroom. I will not have you tramping farm all over my nice new décor.”

Ellie had stripped off most of her clothes into a hamper set in the front hall and came up the stairs with a smirk. “Then how would you get such a pleasant view at the end of the day?”

“By asking, you lovely and ridiculous creature.” Abby pulled Ellie down and kissed her. “Or are you saying you tire of getting undressed for me after how many weeks of marriage?”

“Never, I hope.” Ellie curled up on Abby’s chest. 

“How did it go,” Abby asked, unknotting the braids at the top of Ellie’s head. She would need to brush them out in the shower before putting them back up. A few pieces of hay fell out as she worked her way through.

“As well as expected.” Ellie nuzzled closer. “For someone who spent all her time alone, you sure are good at figuring out when someone’s heartbroken.”

“I was alone. I wasn’t locked in the attic.” She ran her finger through the dark, textured hair. “I spent time watching people. Plus I know you, I know the effect you have on people, especially lonely people who are longing for someone to distract them.” 

“Oh is that what I am? A distraction? I’ll show you just how distracting I can be.” Ellie got up on all fours and leered at her spouse, who pushed her off playfully. 

“Not until you shower. Come on.” 

Abby pressed against Ellie as the hot water spattered down on them. “In all seriousness, I’m glad you went down there. Do you think she’ll…figure it out?”

“I’m not sure. It’s rather unconventional. After all, anyone could understand wanting another pair of hands to help with the farm or kids. Another pair of hands in our bedroom? The stuff of fantasies.”

“Ugh. Are you ever able to be serious? Just for a little while?” Abby splashed water into Ellie’s grinning face. 

“I am serious! All those days I’m too exhausted and you need a little pick-me-up…”

“You know darn well what I mean,” growled Abby. “It’s not about sex. It’s about…companionship? Doing the right thing?”

“Taking pity on someone who fell into my orbit,” said Ellie, leaning back and turning off the tap. “But yes, in all seriousness, I hope she comes by to talk it out. We’ll see where the conversations go. If nothing else, I can reconsider putting up another barn so she has somewhere else to live besides that ridiculous cottage. She doesn’t deserve to be alone.”

Abby stepped out and handed a towel to Ellie, who began wringing the water out of her hair. “You know, in another life, another time, it could have been her instead of me.”

“Perhaps. But it wasn’t. Not this go-round, at least.” Ellie pulled Abby close. “That’s how fate works. And love. And magic. Now, speaking of magic…let’s go make some of our own. It might be one of the last times it’s just the two of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, my attempts to make this 100% G rated have failed. It's up to PG now.


End file.
